Updating our stories/ thoughts/ beliefs is inherently part of developing. It's a sign that your understanding and wisdom are expanding and growing. I wanted to share with you some of the thoughts/stories/beliefs from my past that I have rewritten to be able to enjoy more physical intimacy. I hope these are helpful to you!
I used to believe "Sex is just for men- a need they have to take care of to not be moody." I updated that thought to "I am a sexual being and being sexual in an integral part of my life and joy."
I used to believe "Sex is work." I updated that thought to "Sex is where I go to feel replenished and joyful." I focus on feeling the joy and pleasure in my body and the joy and pleasure of being with and connecting with my husband and his body.
I used to think "I have no desire for sex." I realized I didn't have desire for sex that was only servicing to my husband. I had a lot of desire for connection, touch, trust, closeness, etc. I followed these desires and used them to create more intimacy in all ways with my husband- including sex. I focused on intentionally connecting, touching, trusting, and being close with him.I now believe "I desire all forms of intimacy with my husband."
I used to believe "Men's sexuality is greedy and needy." I have since realized that men's sexuality when integrated in a healthy way is actually very generous and very willing to bring pleasure to women.
I used to think "role play/ sex play had to look like what I do in everyday life." I now understand that role play/ sex play is PLAY. And there are many contexts that we can play in that I wouldn't do in everyday life. Just like when I play games and behave differently in the context of those games. ( For example when we play spoons I grab other's spoons as fast as I can. I try to be greedy and quick. I would never grab someone's spoon while at the dinner table in daily life ). It's ok to play in sex as long as both spouses are ok in the context and comfortable.
I used to believe that "I couldn't say "no" to sex."I now know that I have to have a "no" to have a "yes". When my answer is "no" I do try to be clear and kind to my husband. I also try to think of when I would be ready or able to have sex. I honor his courage to initiate and return it with an honest respectful answer.
I used to believe "my body needs to be a certain weight/ size/ firmness etc to be attractive." I now understand that the female form is attractive. Period. The female form is the symbol of eros and it is erotic. I allow myself to be the turn on and to enjoy my body exactly as it is.